cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
