Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
