You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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