Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
