Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
