i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
