So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
