is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
