Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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