I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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