man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
