Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
