i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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