Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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