I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
