i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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