Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
