drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She just used a chaser for red wine.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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