I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
