dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I die, sorry about rent.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
