Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's Friday. Sex?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
