Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
