Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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