Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
