I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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