You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
