...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
