Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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