i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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