Duck Duck Cougar?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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