I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize