Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
