It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
