Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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