2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
