Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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