We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
