Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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