what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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