Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize