Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
