A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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