ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
