we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
