Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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