So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
