eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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