If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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