My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
