Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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