He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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