I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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