Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
