just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
