I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
