He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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