Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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