i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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