Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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