Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize