the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
