No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
