Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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